I don't really blog anymore

But I can be found on twitter as xampx. Life is really looking up for me right now. I hope it stays that way

Car Update and Life lift

I bought a car on Sunday. I am so proud of myself because I went out and bought it by myself, with cash I had saved, and I had no help from anyone. (I did have help the day before looking at other cars, but this one was all me). Its surprising what you can do when you put your mind to it, and in my case, the reason I put my mind to it was anger.

I had had an arguement with Dan earlier in the weekend about him having no respect for me and blaming me for everything and just being angry with me all the time. He said its because I am ALWAYS THERE and he CAN'T MOVE ON. Which I deny. I am there because we work together, and I am there in his flat in the mornings because he gives me a lift to work. And I am there at any other time because I thought we were friends enjoying spending time together, and because he still hasn't told his parents that we broke up 8 months ago and I moved out 13 months ago so for HIS BENEFIT I just go along with this bullshit which is very detrimental on my lifestyle, having to pretend I live somewhere that I don't. Well apparently its not like that at all, apparently I am a limpet who can't do anything on my own and its all my fault and my problem.

So I bought myself a car, with my money, and I am moving house in 2 weeks, by myself, and I am looking for a new job which I know I can get if I put my mind to it. And best of all, I have decided that I will not be held responsible for other peoples happiness or misery unless I have actually done something to influence it. And you know what? I am HAPPY for the first time in about a year. I have stopped kidding myself that me and Dan may someday get back together, and right now I don't want to be with him ever again. I will contemplate staying friends with him if his attitude towards me improves, otherwise I will just speak to him at work about work related things. Until I get a new job, and then its up to him whether he wants to be my friend or not. I do hope he does, but if he doesn't I am not going to dwell on it.

So I got this car, and seriously, I was in tears driving back from the supermarket on Monday night because I HAVE FREEDOM again and I never even realised that I needed it so much. Everyone I have seen since Sunday has said how cheery I am now, and I feel it too! I don't need to rely on anyone anymore, and there should be no more chances of me thinking someone is doing me a favour whilst they are constantly resenting my presence.

Don't expect this post to stick around too long. I needed a rant but I feel uncomfortable knowing that certain people could read this and it would just be turned around into my fault again.

Driving again

I will be getting a car soon. I move on 9/10th July and was thinking I would get a car the week Dan comes back from China (19th June - ooh my late Grandad's birthday!) but today my plans were all ruined and now I have just 10 days to find, test drive and buy a suitable car with decent age/mileage/insurance costs. It has annoyed me a bit as I had specifically planned for after China as I will have the company car for a week whilst he is away so I didn't want to be paying for one when there was another one free to use.

Reason is insurance. I have 4 years no claims bonus which is valid for 2 years, which I thought took me into this July, but no, its 8th June, the day they fly. If I don't buy a car and start an insurance policy by 8th June I will lose 4 years no claims discount (40%) and with current insurance prices being ridiculous - ie quotes are showing the same for me now with 4 years as they were for me 10 years ago after just passing my test - I cannot afford to lose that discount.

So in the next ten days, tomorrow is a bank holiday and many car places will be closed, I have a physio appt on Tuesday, a Drs appt next Saturday and a hospital appt the following Monday, we have one staff member on holiday and Dan wants to take at least a half day off to sort his things out before he goes to China. I hate being put under this kind of pressure, and I had hoped to get next months paycheck before buying the car too but alas, this is what I have to do. I will be buying a car in the next ten days!

Bleurgh Mondays

Today has been decent enough. Nicely busy at work, no disasters, and home via the shop for salad, pretzels & dip. All of which came to less than 600 calories and the best bit is that I bought fruit salad and chocolate and I don't really want either of them right now.

I have been watching cooking programs and looking forward to cookage when I move. I used to love cooking. Alli has an allotment and although it might be too late for me to plant stuff this year I imagine there will be leftovers and overspill to use up, and I will just have to shop at the market more for cheap and unusual healthy stuff.

I plan to make curry from scratch and stews and roasts because I forgot what I used to do 'before'. I have always cooked, gardened and made things so I look forward to getting back into that.


Today I am at an awkward stage where I want to knit on a shawl but if I do, I will finish it and I won't know what to take to knitting tomorrow night. I might make some progress on the giant blanket whilst I watch a film. I think I have 'The Science of Sleep'

Oh and I had my hair cut this week. First time in 15 months and definitely needed.

Some things

I feel a little down today. I think its because my life is utterly boring! What did I used to do for fun? I should be moving in 6 weeks, I am really looking forward to being about to do gardening and play on Alli's allotment. I should be getting a car too. That (I hope) will give me more reason to get out and about more.

I really wish I could remember what I used to do that made me more interesting. I literally go to work, work, come home, eat, knit, sleep. This moving is going to be a huge change for me. I won't be seeing Dan outside of work anymore. I am not sure I like that idea but on the whole it is probably a good thing. I need to be more friendly with my friends. I enjoy their company but we aren't as close as I guess we could be. Thats probably down to me being a bit reserved - I don't want to make an idiot of myself I suppose.

I remember I used to enjoy gardening and growing veg and cooking. I am hoping I like it again, and having a car should mean I could maybe join a gym again, or a class as it would be easier to get to.

Thats it for now, not sure I have much else to add

Annoyances.

Firstly, this is an annoyance.
My heel if you will...



Sometime around October 2010 I had to run for a bus on a cold morning. For a few weeks after I noticed my ankle ached in the morning of most days. Another few weeks later and I noticed that the back of me left ankle wasn't flat like my right one, and another couple of months later it started hurting more and more. So I went to my GP and I am waiting for a physio appointment. In the meantime I have to sit around and wait because anything more than a gentle walk becomes bloody painful!

I want to buy a car, but can't yet because if I need surgery I won't be able to drive it for a few months.
I want to book a nice hot holiday but can't yet because I might have to have surgery.
I want to book a walking holiday/long weekend but walking isn't really my forte at the moment.
Quite annoying. And on top of those, I want to get a bit of exercise now the weather is warming up and I am stuck with sit ups and arm exercises. Annoying!

A list if you will...

• Twittering - I installed Tweetdeck on my phone so I use it more now, although it really is a timewastingdevice and I look like a geek on the bus every morning now instead of someone who is sitting sulking (see: trying to wake up) whilst listening to terrible modern music (see: Harry Potter read by Stephen Fry (who I am following on Twitter))
• House - I made an effort - I bought a shelving unit which is awesome and fits yarn and fiber on it. I was going to buy a rug this weekend too but frankly I think I should just move. I don't like it here. Landlady does not engage brain before speaking and comes out with classics such as 'You can sit downstairs tonight because I am going out' Actually, I pay to use all rooms in the house except the other bedrooms - If I want to sit in your company I can do it at any time, I just choose not to. I have avoided spending time downstairs because occasionally I will be wandering around the kitchen, cooking, and she will be FOLLOWING ME from counter to fridge to toaster and its just a little too much. I love what I have done with my room but I really don't want to stay in here forever so I am looking to move.
• Gym - I cancelled my membership - partly due to the achilles tendon issue, partly due to the busses meaning I can never really get there and partly due to it being a waste of money since I never go.
• Money - A little low this month considering its the shortest month, but I blame IKEA and its only 2 days until payday (ish). My savings are growing but I am scared to spend them on a car in case I need them for something else.
• Dye - I dyed yarn at Clare's house and its awesome. I want to dye more but can't in this house.
• Quilting - Stop me now! I really want to make a quilt. I am insane.
• Blanket - I am knitting a sock square blanket - anyone want to send me yarn?
• Life - Not sure how its going. I went to counselling once, it was OK but nothing special. Maybe I should go back but really I know what the problems are I just don't want to admit them to myself.
• Knitting - I am doing 11in2011 this year and have decided to make 11 pairs of socks. I am 5 down and already have the single sock of another 5 pairs. I cast on yet another sock yesterday and I love it :)
• Dan - can be a complete bastard sometimes and lovely at other times. He wanted to do something for Valentines which was bizarre considering our 'situation' (ie we are not in a relationship) but we didn't really in the end. I did spend my day off at his house (whilst he was at work) cooking things to freeze for work dinners. Can't really cook at my place due to possibly making a mess and being murdered by the landlady for it.
• Hair - I might cut my own this weekend because I am getting ridiculous about it now. Its too long and in no kind of style, and I am getting a grey streak in the style of Cruella DeVille (I secretly think its awesome and hope it continues!)
• Dating - I dunno if I should. I dunno if I want to!

Thats probably it for now. I have been feeling very boring lately. I am not in touch with anything new and exciting. I need a project to get involved with. I want to learn something new! What should I learn?